Thursday, 23 June 2011

Hug a hottie day (Or, yes, I can actually hug my friends and not want to shag them)

I feel the need to start this post with a caveat: my friends are a lovely group of people, most of whom have taken me coming out extremely well. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better group of people. I just sometimes feel the need to smack some of them upside the head with a clue-by-four.

Right, now onto the post.

It’s hug a hottie day today on Facebook, and so dutifully I’ve virtually hugged many of my friends. (Which is what most of my friendship group has done. We’re cool like that.)


A few of my friends are unattached guys. They know I’m not expressing any interest in shagging them or even having a romantic relationship with them. But I “hugged” one of them second (the first person I “hugged” is currently dating another friend of mine), and it’s this “hug” I’m going to talk about.

This hug was the first visible one for hug a hottie day (the other was via msn). Nearly as soon as I’d posted on his wall that I’d hugged him, another friend of mine commented with  Ooooh ;)”.

I can’t tell if they’re joking or not. If they are, they need to work on their delivery/the internet needs a joking font.

But. If they’re not, then we have a problem. Because they know I’m aromantic, and yet they’re implying that we’re dating anyway. Which could mean they’ve forgotten/are disregarding that I’m aromantic.

That’s not good.  

That’s really, really not good. And it’s not the first time I’ve had to wonder* if my friends/other people I’m out to either remember that I’m aromantic or believe me when I say “Actually, I don’t feel the need to date. Seriously. Nor shag people.”**

Because, you see, if they’re disregarding that I’m aromantic, they’re implying that I can’t identify as aromantic. That I don’t know my own feelings.  That actually, I will suddenly “grow up” and realise I want to date, settle down and have a cat/dog/fish/child (most of them realise that even if I wasn’t aromantic me having a child is not going to happen.).

And honestly? That hurts.

*I’ve had friends tell me “you’ll make some man very happy one day”, male acquaintances flirt (with intent to shag) with me, friends try and set me up with other people, etc etc. I’m sure they all mean well, and have only the best intentions. It’s just very disheartening to have it implied, over and over, that I’m wrong about myself.

**My mother, for one. I’m not out to her, but I am as close to out as is possible without actually being, you know, out. Yet she still insists on believing that me and one(or more!) of several friends are dating.

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