Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Thinky thoughts on friendship, part one of ?

(this may become a semi-regular thing, we’ll see.)

Earlier this year, I went to a friend’s 18th birthday party.

I ended up spending most of the night with a dear friend of mine, mostly talking about many varied topics.

Eventually, we retired to a mattress, where we cuddled and talked (and eventually passed out).

Not once did I feel uncomfortable, did I feel that he would attempt anything I wasn’t comfortable with or pressure me into anything. Even though the position we were in was one commonly associated with couples, never was it sexual. Just two close friends, taking comfort from each other’s support.

Last night I had one of my close friends over.
I cooked tea, and then we spent the night talking and watching movies/comedy.
We both slept on the couch, falling asleep early this morning.

During one comedy show, the comedian did a skit on sexual attraction/romantic attraction. My friend just looked at me and asked “borogoves?” (to which I answered “borogove”).

Again,  never was I uncomfortable, never was it sexual (besides the fact that he wouldn’t do that, he’s got a girlfriend). It was just two friends, talking and being comfortable with each other.

That’s what I want out of life.

I want friends whom I can hug, whom I can talk with and have them try to understand what the hell I’m saying. I want friends who try to pick up when there’s something I might not understand, and laugh with (not at) me about it (when it’s funny).

For the most part, I have friends with whom I can do all these things. And I’m lucky, and I know that every second of every day.

But some people, not just other asexuals but other people of all different sexualities, don’t. I’d venture to go so far as saying most people don’t have that. And that makes me sad.

What makes me sadder though is that many people don’t know they can have that. Me and a close friend of mine were talking about relationships, and relationship hierarchy* a while ago, and something he said’s stuck with me.

He commented that until we’d re-met** he’d not thought he could have a close platonic relationship. Re-read that sentence.  Think about what that means.

We are in a society where people are told/taught that the only close relationship they can ever have is a romantic one.

We need to change this, right now.

*This is a conversation I think more people should have. Mostly because talking about this sort of thing is the only way we’re ever going to pin down what we actually want/need, instead of what we are told we want/need.

**We met once at a mutual friend’s party, and then didn’t see or talk to each other for about a third of a year.

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