30 Day Asexuality Challenge, Day 29 -30

So, I haven't really been up to blogging for the past fews days, and thus have missed posting my final two responses to the 30 day challenge. Thus, I'm posting them now.


29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?

The internet, during a disscussion on the (then new) series of Sherlock.


30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.

We're here, guys. We withstand trolls, and more trolls, and people insulting us, and people pretending we don't exist and hate and rage and sorrow and so much shit for being who we are, but we're still here.

And we're not going anywhere.

 

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 28

28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)


I like all pie. All pie is good. Pie shared with friends is better. Pie which I have cooked to share with friends is even better than that. 
Which reminds me, I need to bake some pies this spring.


Anyway. Pie is totally acceptable, not as a replacement for cake, but as well as cake.


Replacing cake with pie is like having two old friends, and losing one (cake), but then expecting your relationship with the other (pie) to be identical to the one you had with the first friend (cake again). It just doesn't work that way, and it's not fair to either friend (or baked good) to pretend it does.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 27

27. What is your favorite types of cake?


All types of cake are good!


I actually don't have a favourite flavor/type of cake. There's a different cake for every situation, and all are fun to bake.


What makes a cake awesome is having friends to share it with/feed it to.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 26

26. Who is your biggest ally?

To regular readers of this blog, this will come as no surprise. To those of you who have never read my blog, allow me to elucidate.

Without question, S (I have mentioned him before) is my biggest ally. Not only because he's there for me, and because he puts up with me randomly ranting/crying/breaking down/etc at him when people are stupid (on the internet or  off), and not only because he's my closest friend. 

No, he is also my biggest ally because he's willing to learn. If he doesn't understand a term/phrase/acronym, he asks respectfully. He treats me like a proper person, and he explains things I have no frame of reference for. He also manages to take into consideration my lack of understanding re: romantic/sexual desire, without being patronizing when he references it.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge, Day 25

25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?

Worst as in makes no sense: “No.”

(No what? No it doesn’t exist, no I’m not, no unicorns don’t exist?)

 Worst as in wtf are you talking about: “Asexuality is already in use as a word. You can’t give it another meaning.”

(I’m sorry, what? Have you not read the dictionary or spoken any common language ever?)

Worst as in why the hell would you even say that: “It’s ok if your abuse left you scared of relationships, but not all are like that.”

(Just. Why? Even if I had been abused, I would be asexual. I would also not want you to goddamn mention it in public.

Also, the implication in this (that the only people who consider themselves asexual have been abused), is all kinds of horrifying. Stop it now.)

Worst as in hurt me: “You can’t be. You’ll never be happy, and I just want you to be happy.”

(Worst because it was a (at the time) very close friend who said it.)

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 23 -24

23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?

Our flag.

24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.


The bingo cards. The fact that we can make two is hella depressing.

(The ones with the paw print are the one's I've had said directly to me)

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 22

22. What do you believe causes asexuality?

Genetics? What causes people to inherently like one type of music, but not another? Invisible elephants (or the lack thereof)?

Honestly, I think whatever causes all the other sexualities causes asexuality too. We’re not special snowflakes, touched by the wand of the ace fairy at birth.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 21

21. Your favorite asexual quote.

Geekily, my favourite quote is this one.

“His brain doesn’t work in that way. He would find [sex] weird and peculiar. He finds women peculiar. He is quite asexual.”
(Matt Smith, on the Doctor)

Not because it’s profound, but because finally I’ve got something to point to and go “See! I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS!” (I am aware that A: he probably didn't mean it like I mean it, and B: it really isn't profound, but I DO NOT CARE.)

And, less geekily, this one.

“Where there’s cake, there’s hope. And there’s always cake.”

- Life Expectancy, Dean Koontz

I am doing my best in life to ensure there will always be cake (or baked goods. I’m extending the hope to baked goods), or at least the possibility of said baked things.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 20

20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a (romantic) relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).

I’m lucky enough to have multiple close* friends, some of whom I’ve written about before.

S is one of them, even though we have known each other for a relatively short time compared to most of my other friends. S is the person who I can turn to when I’m not feeling the best and who will always make me feel better. He’s the person whom I can rant at and who will know not to take it personally (or agree with me). He’s the person I can cuddle and lean against, he’s the person who feels safe and real when I’m reality checking and he’s possibly the person I trust the most. He’s the first person who’s accepted me as me with no reservations, and he’s the person who’ll cheer with me over the victories, big or little.

B is also a dear friend of mine, although I don’t see him nearly as much as I wish I did. B is the person who went with me through high school, debating in maths in the lower years and being the subject of rumours with me. He’s the other person I can cuddle, and he’s the one who’ll debate obscure philosophy with me. He’s the person who came around to who I am, after many a talk and link spamming.

D, also, is a dear friend of mine. D is the person who sat with me in graphics class, who geeks out with me, who’s trolled through supanova every year with me, who changed my hair colour because she felt like it, and who is one of the reasons my friendship group has grown substantially. She’s one of the people I first came out to, and she’s one of the people who’ve mostly just accepted me being my weird self.

W is another close friend I don’t see enough. He’s the second most accepting person I know, and he’s the one I’ve had long talks with on relationships and societal expectations and kink. He’s also the one who’s joined me in long competitions of who’s the most seedy/ can say the most seedy thing without blatantly stating it. He’s the one who stayed up with me for most of a night when two people we know were high as kites, and helped me look after them.

As well as the above people, I have several other close friends. However, this is the point at which I feel like I’ve shared enough about my relationships for now with the world, and will instead end with a heartfelt statement.

To all the friends in the world, and especially mine; Thank You for being there. You will never know how much you mean to others.

*I really don’t like the phrase ‘best friends’, as I have seen it used to place what I consider unnecessary hierarchical structures on friendship (young girls are very, very good at this sort of thing), used to shame people (again, young girls are good at this) and demean friendship. The phrase also doesn’t really make all that much sense.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 19

19. What do relationships mean to you?

Ah, that’s a tough one.

On the one hand, they mean having people who know me, whom I can turn to for help or guidance or to share with. They mean having hope that I won’t be forever alone, that I’m not going to become a statistic. They mean having people I care about, having friends and people for whom friend is too weak a word, having people whom I can ask “wtf are borogroves? Also what’s mimsy, and this word, and describe this, also why?”  and know they won’t laugh maliciously, having people whom I can curl up with, having people whom I can hug and have physical contact with, having people who care.

They mean having some place to crash when I need to, having a kind ear to whisper in, a breath of fresh air when life seems stagnant and a warm hug to burrow into. They mean protection and safety, and they mean are people whom I try my utmost to protect. They mean curiosity and companionship and having someone to feed experimental cooking. They mean truth and freedom and being myself, who ever that is.

On the other hand, relationships also mean having to lie to some people for fear of the possible consequences of the truth. They mean being put down, not being able to understand, being misrepresented and not trusted. They mean feeling alone and awkward,  even in groups. They mean knowing I’m the odd one out, and always will be. They mean being accidentally hurt, and deliberately hurt. They mean being told I’m wrong or sick, they mean feeling broken. They mean worry and stress and heartbreak and sorrow. They mean putting up with things because people “don’t really mean it”. The mean justifying things to myself that I really shouldn’t, they mean being dumped in the deep end and left to drown. They mean feeling used and betrayed and weak. They mean being afraid, both of myself and others.

Mostly though, they mean safety and companionship. And that’s all I really want.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 18

18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.

It doesn’t exist.

</black humour>

Seriously though? I don’t know all that many*. 

So have some funny pictures instead, which I found though the magic of google(reader).

DISCLAIMER: I am a poor student. I own nothing, and am more than happy to give credit where credit is due. If you know who made these, give me a yell and I'll link to the original post.

BUT FIRST! A SONG! (not this song, another one)

(To the tune of "I just had sex")

Sometimes
Something beautiful happens
in this world

Oh
Aces
And lonely asexuals

You don’t know how to express yourself so
You just gotta sing

I just had cake
And it was so good (was so good)
a warm piece of cake let me put my fork inside it (it)
I just had cake (Hey!)
And I’ll never go back (never go back)
To the not-having-cake
Ways of the past

Have you ever had cake?
I have, it tastes great
It feels so good when I have it in my mouth

My girl made it for me
It literally just happened
Having cake could make a nice man out’ the meanest

You’ll never guess where I just came from
I had cake
If I had to describe the feeling it was the best

When I had the cake
Man, my tummy felt great
And I called my parents right after I was done

Oh hey, didn’t see you there
Guess what I just did
Had cake, cake mix, ate the frosting and the rest

Well sure
Nice of her to make you that thing

Nice of any girl ever

Now sing

I just had cake
And it was so good (was so good)
a warm piece of cake let me put my fork inside it (it)
I Wanna tell the world

To be honest
I’m surprised she even wanted me to have it

Doesn’t really make sense

But man, screw it

I ain’t one to argue with a good thing

She could be my wife

That good?

The best damn cake I’ve had in my life

I’m so humbled by that girls ability to bake that cake

even if it tasted bad, I’d eat it for her sake
With that in mind the soft, nice-smellin’ cake’s better

She let me wear my chain and my turtle neck sweater

So this one’s dedicated to them girls
That make us cake and keep us around them
If you’re near or far, whether short or tall
We wanna thank you all for bakin’ cake for us

She kept looking at her watch
 
Doesn’t matter, had cake

But I ate the whole time

Doesn’t matter, had cake

I think she might have been a racist

Doesn’t matter, I had cake

She ate it in bed 
Still counts!

I just had cake
And my dreams came true (dreams came true)
So if you had cake in the last 30 minutes then you’re qualified to sing with me
I just had cake (everybody sing!)
And it felt so good (we all had cake!)
My tummy had warm cake inside it (I wanna tell the whole world!)
I just had cake (I just had cake!)
And I’ll never go back (no, no, no!)
To the not-having-cake
Ways of the past~

(Stolen from here)

And this one, from here, which is possibly my favourite at the moment

which really needs the image description to go with it:

Image: Pinkie Pie, the overenthusiastic and gregarious horse from My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic, is rearing up on her hind legs. She has been crudely photoshopped to resemble a Bad Asexual Fairy, with an ace-of-spades shaped wand, sparkly wings and an asexual flag over her flank. Behind her, and partly obscured by her, is a wall of text, starting with large font and ending up tiny. This says:

GREAT, YOU’RE ASEXUAL! HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT WHAT ROMANTIC ORIENTATION YOU ARE YET?! WE ALL HAVE ONE! (KINDA). THAT GUY OVER THERE IS HOMOROMANTIC, HE’S ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE OF THE SAME GENDER, BUT NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY! ISN’T THAT GREAT! BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE! IF THAT DOESN’T HELP, YOU CAN SPLIT YOUR CONCEPTS OF ATTRACTION DOWN INTO SMALLER AND SMALLER PARTS UNTIL YOU HAVE A REALLY GOOD IDEA WHAT MAKES YOU TICK, AND, HEY LOOK, A CONVERSATION ABOUT NON-TRADITIONAL INTIMACY MODELS, YOU COMING? SO IT DOESN’T MATTER TO US WHAT YOU DECIDE YOU ARE–THE IMPORTANT BIT IS THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR LABEL FITS AND IS COMFORTABLE, AND IF THE WORDS DON’T WORK YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE SOME UP!!! MAKE UP SOME WORDS! GO ON! IT’S FUN! HERE, TRY SOME PUNS!! HAVE A GOURD! DOES THIS FIT? NO? WELL, HOW ABOUT THESE? DO THESE MODELS SEEM USEFUL? LOOK! I DREWED YOU A GRAPH! AND ANOTHER GRAPH, I DIDN’T LIKE THAT ONE!! YOU ARE THE POINT OF ORIGIN! NOW YOU’RE SPECIAL!! HOORAY! LOOK, HERE’S A RIDICULOUSLY COMPLEX SPIDER CHART! HOW MANY MORE DIMENSIONS DO YOU NEED? I’M UP TO 26! YOU SHOULD SEE IF YOU CAN CHART YOUR ORIENTATIONS TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN AND POSSIBLY NONBINARY PEOPLE!! HAVE YOU NOT QUESTIONED YOUR GENDER YET, BY THE WAY? GET THEE TO A YADARY! IT’S FUUUUUUUUN! AND WHAT MAKES GENDER ANYWAY? HAVE SOME MORE LABELS…

*The one I do know is "I don’t know what happened. I got wasted the other night, I woke up and there were two of me."

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Days 14 - 17

And, having finally had access to a computer, have the last 4 updates at once.

14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.

The first time I met another ace offline, it was a friend’s girlfriend. A group of us were watching a couple of Ghibli movies together at a local cinema, and so we didn’t really talk much.

Unfortunately for my friend and his girlfriend, she worked out she was actually* ace after they started dating each other, and they’ve since stopped dating (not because of her being ace, but because of other, somewhat related issues.)

Her identifying as ace before they started dating also meant that said friend didn’t believe me** when I came out to him.

Funnily enough, he’s now one of my biggest allies.

15. Your favourite asexual character/celebrity/person.

The 11^th doctor, because Matt Smith said it himself.

Favourite celebrity is Emilie Autumn, because she makes awesome music.

16. Your favourite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).

Uhhh...thinking through all the books, romance tends to be, if not the main point, a fairly major one. Hmmm... favourite book would have to be Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

17. Your favourite “asexual” movie.

That rules out nearly all Disney movies immediately.

So....movies that don’t have romance as a major plot point. Surprisingly hard to think of one. (For those playing at home, try listing as many movies as you can that have no romantic relationships in them. It’s bloody difficult.)

So, anyway. Favourite ace movie would have to be... Watership Down.

*She’d identified as an aromantic ace for three years, then started dating him, and then realised she was actually a heteroromantic ace.

**If I’m remembering correctly, he said something along the lines of “(girlfriend’s name) thought she was asexual, and now she’s dating me. I think all asexuals actually just haven’t dated the right person yet. Besides, everyone’s got a partner out there somewhere.”

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 13

13. Your favorite asexual website.

There is a soft spot in my heart for AVEN, regardless of its problems and issues. AVEN was my first contact with other aces, and thus will always be remembered by me.

That said, I’ll link to a couple of my other favourite sites.

Writing from factor X (if you visit only one other site this whole year, visit Sciatrix's. The source of very well thought out posts, and awesome linkspams.)

Charlie The Unicorn, Ace Detective

...and, all the other sites I follow are on tumblr. Huh, who'd have thought.

30 Day Asexuality Challenge; Day 12

12. Your favourite asexual Tumblr site.      

I...actually don’t have one. I follow several, which I will link you to now.

53x+m³=Ø

Asexual Quotes

Ace Watch

Asexual Quotes

Captain Heartless

An Accessory To Rambling