Friday, 8 July 2011

The 30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Day Two

Right. Day two of the 30 Day Asexuality Challenge. I'm actually going to cheat a little here, and post the next two entries probably on the same day. This is because I'm probably not going to be able to access a computer long enough to write a blog post, and I can't type one up on my phone. (thus, expect the next two on Sunday, not tomorrow (Saturday).)

2. Are you out? To whom?

I’ve covered this before, but this’ll give me a chance to go over my reasoning again (and I want to write more on it).

I’m out to most people I know. I’m to most of my friends, because either they were there when I was working out I was Ace, they are dating people who were there, or because I trust them to know details about me (there are also people I’m out to because they asked me on a date/to date them*).

I’m out to some of my uni mates, because it came up in a discussion. I’d be out to all of them, but I can’t find a way of bringing it up in a discussion without it becoming a “talk”, which is not actually something I want to do.

I’m ‘out’ on facebook, which may or may not count. There’s not really a way to be very out on facebook, but I occasionally post ace related statuses/link to articles/like ace related things on it.

I’m out on the internet, because I fucking can be and if people don’t understand I can link them to Ace 101 resources (and if they’re being dicks, I can either leave that section of the internet or point them to marcos telling them how to remove their heads from their arses.)

I’m not out to my family, immediate or extended. I’m not out to my family friends either, nor to my parent’s friends.

I’m not out to my family because I’m not sure how they’ll take it. I think they’d take it well (my father more so than my mother or brother), but if they don’t, I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t cope well. I’m not out to any other the other people listed because there’s the high probability that it would get back to my family, and then there would be the “why didn’t you trust us” as well as the possible “you’re wrong/broken/lying/sick/damaged/too young to know/etc”.

I’m especially not out to my parents because my mother already is trying to pressure me into dating, and has stated numerous times that “dating makes you a better person. It makes you less selfish. Everyone needs to have a partner (preferably** one who is the opposite gender to you, expresses his gender in an acceptably ‘male’*** way, and around your age.)”

*This is possibly one of the most horrifically awkward ways to come out to someone. Twice. (There was the whole "I'm asexual, not interested in shagging you", followed by the discussion of "This says/I thought Asexuals still date." "I'm also Aromantic. No dice there.")

**She has stated, a few times now (more and more pointedly) that she wouldn’t mind if I brought home a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. She has also stated her wish for grandkids, and that she would be slightly disappointed purely because the likelihood of me having kids would be lower. (which is totally ignoring my multiple insistences that I DON’T WANT KIDS EVER. I’m fairly sure she’s hoping I’ll fall accidentally pregnant at this point. :/)

***yeah. I’ve tried to get her to realise that gender does not work that way/prejudice is not good. It’s very slow going.

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